#omg why do you do this to me #I'm totally crying goddamnit #you're so mean #also I love your brain #sailor moon #sailor moon headcanon
ANOTHER BURIED ASK FROM TWO MONTHS AGO
MY ASK BOX IS NOT THAT OVERRUN HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
I confess I don’t give a lot of thought to Chibs and NQS, or Chibs in general. I blame the dub. Because when I do spend time on her I just wind up crying and screaming, “PROTECT THIS PRECIOUS PINK-HAIRED CHILD” but I have to make the decision to go there and I rarely do.
Lucky for me you asked!
I think a lot of this resembles some stuff keyofnik has said at one time or another (probably in this tag), and I’m no longer sure if we came up with it independently or if I just decided she was right, but here’s my feelings on the matter.
This gets into a lot of WEIRD TIME TRAVEL LOGIC so if this makes no sense, I am very sorry.
Although I did write this fic Promise, where the premise is basically that NQS doesn’t love Chibs and that this is always and forever the case, I don’t think that’s necessarily true.
I do think that when Usagi first transitions into NQS, it is ROUGH. For her and everyone else. There are times when there is nothing of Usagi present in NQS, and it’s terrifying for her friends and Mamoru. But it’s also terrifying for NQS because she remembers being Usagi, and frankly she’d prefer being more like that, but she can’t. It’s like she’s at a disconnect from herself, but she can’t articulate it. It feels like a form of disassociation, and it’s scary and she doesn’t like it, but she also can’t talk about it or change it. She doesn’t know how, and she doesn’t have time. She has to rebuild the fucking world, and the world doesn’t actually need Usagi right now. It needs NQS.
I’m not sure how long this period lasts, but I think it’s for awhile, and I think it’s a long road for her to pull out of it. And she’s just starting to feel like a person again when she gets pregnant.
At which point it is AN EXPLOSION OF USAGI. Something about the pregnancy hormones and the endorphins/dopamine/idk ask science tumblr what they are just make her feel more like herself. The most like herself that she’s felt in years - possibly decades. It’s awesome. I actually think Usagi winds up having a great pregnancy with minimal morning sickness. You know, it’s like when Kristen Bell was pregnant the first time and talked about it on Ellen. That is how I picture Usagi’s pregnancy with Chibs.
Then Usagi has the baby.
I could really see Usagi getting hit with some really bad post-partum depression, which is further complicated and prolonged by the NQS/Usagi dichotomy and fucking ruling the world and shit. So I think it knocks Usagi off the recovery she was on really badly. Plus after 9 months of FINALLY feeling like herself, and then suddenly getting hit with this again? No matter how many times Ami and Mamoru explain it to her, it just feels like a failure, not a temporary setback. It feels permanent and irrevocable and it fucks Usagi up bad. To the point where I think she could conceivably decide that it’s not worth trying anymore. And at that point she accepts that NQS is who she is.
I think that’s the mother Chibi-Usa had during the first go around. I know NQS loved her, but there was that disassociation with herself again. It put her at a remove from everyone. And while everyone else in her life remembers when NQS wasn’t like this, it’s all Chibs has ever known. She doesn’t know a mother who is naturally warm and gregarious and silly. She knows this perfectly poised lady who smiles and holds her but still feels distant.
It’s no wonder Chibs winds up with such a fucking complex. The world universally loves her mother (or at least it seems that way). If Chibs ever has misgivings about her, that’s all her fault, isn’t it? And you know, I could see someone deciding to sit Chibs down one day and tell her about how her mother used to be, thinking it will help. If not that, then she just overhears someone talking about it.
AND BOOM EVERYTHING IS WORSE.
Because Chibs internalizes shit like this. They don’t say this, they would never say this, but what Chibs hears? ”Your mother was happier before you were born. Before you.”
SOMEONE PROTECT THIS PRECIOUS PINK-HAIRED CHILD FROM THIS SADNESS OMG.
I don’t know, I just see Crystal Tokyo as being such a sad place for this little girl.
You know what really clinches it for me? In R, Chibs specifically says that they call her Small Lady. HER PARENTS AND HER AUNTS CALL HER BY HER ROYAL TITLE ON A REGULAR BASIS, NOT HER FUCKING NAME. That is chilling to me. I hate it. IIRC, Usagi & co. gave her the nickname Chibi-Usa in the 20th century. It wasn’t necessary in Crystal Tokyo because they never had to differentiate between Usagis. NQS was a shell who used to be called Usagi, and Small Lady was never given the chance.
Thankfully, R happens, and it changes the future. When Chibi-Usa goes back in time, she makes Usagi and the others aware the Crystal Tokyo is happening. So until Usagi of old, it’s not thrust upon her so surprisingly. She can prepare for it. And while I think she’ll still have trouble with the adjustment, again, people around her also have a sense of this coming and are better able to help her. So that when the Usagi-who-went-to-the-future becomes NQS has Chibi-Usa, she’s in a much better place.
In that future, they call their daughter by her name.
I don’t think, however, that Chibs returns to this happier, better future. I think she returns to the universe she always belonged it, but it becomes happier. I think after the events of R, NQS just… heals. Think of a combination of a few months in stasis, no longer having Nemesis hanging over her head (because you know that haunted her), seeing her little girl be so strong and brave when she needed to be, and I think getting some sense of what life was life for Chibs in the R finale when she merged with Usagi and saw her old eyes. I’m not saying it’s instantly all better, but it improves SO MUCH, and Chibs ultimately goes back to a more stable home life.
I think if our Chibs returned to a totally new future, eventually the complexes she clearly has would have been erased. They never would have happened, and you can’t remember something that didn’t happen. I’m sure she would have found brand new ones, but the Chibs we see in R is the same girl who comes back in S. Older, wiser, better-adjusted, but still bearing the old wounds of her youth. Her relationship with her mother IS SO MUCH BETTER, because she can finally see the parts of NQS which are still Usagi. Her mother laughs easier, smiles more, and gets into goofy fights with Aunt Rei. And Chibi-Usa knows that’s thanks to her.
But I think she’s got a ways to go before she stops completely resenting her mother for losing herself. It wasn’t NQS/Usagi’s fault that it happened, but that’s really immaterial for Chibs. When she gets older, I think she’ll be able to heal and move past it - I think Hotaru will help INFINITELY on this score. But that’ll take awhile.
Chibs and Usagi/NQS’s relationship is so fasinatingly complicated. Chibi-Usa clearly worships NQS, but then is so combative with Usagi, that you have to assume that there is a world of resentment there. And Usagi is the only way for her to exorcise that feeling.
The real question is how Chibs and NQS will be in Crystal Tokyo 2.0. Will Usagi’s fraught relationship with her daughter in the past have any bearing on NQS’s relationship with her daughter? I hope not. I really hope at some point the other Senshi and her talk it out and realize why Chibs can be such a brat sometimes.
Plus I think as Chibs goes back more, Usagi will see her mellowed. We already see that in canon actually. She was soooooo much more chill in Stars than we’d seen her previously. As fucked up as SuperS was, I have this theory that it helped her subconsciously WORK THROUGH SOME SHIT, and she emerges on the other side at peace. Because Helios took refuge in Chibs in the dream world, so theoretically it could have at least partially influenced by Chibs’s subconscious. Some of those lemures might have LITERALLY been from Chibs’s nightmares (lookin’ at you jacked up ballerina bear).
It’s finally a moment where Chibs was at the center of the story, and I think she needed that. Even though I think her subconscious also REFUSED TO LET HER HAVE IT, by randomly having Helios say, “Sorry you’re not the magic maguffin wielder lulz.” But as unsettling as I generally find the Helios/Chibs story in the anime as is (I’ve seen people do beautiful stuff with it separate from that though, so I’m not saying I’m down on the pairing as a whole), I think what ultimately helped her was that Helios said, “You are the not the chosen one.” BECAUSE HE STILL CARED ABOUT HER. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t he most special; she was still special to him. I think she really needed someone to say, “No you are not your mother, but your are still important.”
Obviously Hotaru was there looooong before that, but Hotaru was still more about Usagi’s story than Chibi-Usa’s in S. Hotaru will eventually become a part of Chib’s story. SHE WILL CHOOSE TO BE A PART OF THAT STORY. THAT IS WHY SHE WILL DO WITH THE GIFT USAGI GAVE HER. And that will be momentous and wonderful for Chibs as well.
tl;dr - yeah, but it’s complicated.
AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU ASKED?
But women can never be careful enough, can we? If we take naked pictures of ourselves, we’re asking for it. If someone can manage to hack into our accounts, we’re asking for it. If we’re not wearing anti-rape nail polish, we’re asking for it. If we don’t take self-defence classes, we’re asking for it. If we get drunk, we’re asking for it. If our skirts are too short, we’re asking for it. If we pass out at a party, we’re asking for it. If we are not hyper-vigilant every single fucking second of every single fucking day, we are asking for it. Even when we are hyper-vigilant, we’re still asking for it. The fact that we exist is asking for it.
This is what rape culture looks like.
This is what misogyny looks like."